In our house we have taken to humanising household assets by issuing them with their own names. Our kettle is called ‘Costa’ as it costs lot to boil and is hot under the collar like Diego. The car has been named ‘Corbyn’. I have no idea why although I harbour a suspicion that it is due to it being red, making lots of noise and not being capable of winning a race.

The name of a new research vessel recently went to the public vote, ‘Boaty McBoatface’ caught the public’s imagination yet was blackballed as inappropriate before settling on its final moniker of ‘RRS David Attenborough’. My favourite was ‘Bryan Ferry’ for obvious reasons.

It is a publicity ploy by companies, but I applaud the initiative. It adds humour and interest to an item, be it a ship, generator or civic vehicle. Oldham council recently named its new gritter ‘Nicole Saltslinger’ in an inspired public engagement exercise. Other notable entries were ‘Gritney Houston’ and ‘Gritsy teeny weeny yellow anti slip machinery’. Nicole won the vote however and will join her compatriots ‘Freddie Salted’ and ‘Gritney Spears’.

The naming competition is reported to have "captured the imagination" of Oldham residents. Having been to Oldham many times it is a shame that the imagination did not extend to the civic architecture. Aesthetically, it’s as pleasing as Stoke-on Trent or Hull, although it does border Saddleworth moor, if getting lost on wasteland in torrential downpours is your bag.

I would like my local council to develop a sense of humour and run a similar free for all with their dump trucks/mobile refuse collection outlets or whatever they are packaging them up as these days.

So what attributes do bin trucks have? They block the road up during morning rush hour with no regard to the queues of traffic attempting to inch around them and get on their merry way. "Truck off out of the road" and "Rubbish bit of parking" would be early favourites in my house.

I love the idea though and believe every council asset used for the good of the people should be named by the people. It would add lashings of frivolity to what is a staid public body lacking in the mirth department.

We are busying ourselves naming the remainder of our household at present. My daughter Isabel has named the strimmer ‘Benny’. I asked her why and she responded "why not?". Touché to that.

I have named our dehumidifier ‘Jordan’ as it sucks the life out of everything, the Sky box is ‘Benefits Britain’ as it only works once a year and the shed is affectionately called ‘Crouchy’ as its big, wooden and a little lopsided.

I guess however I should question my naming capabilities. The ‘Colne Ranger’ was a hastily constructed title which beat ‘Writes from the River’ and ‘The Brett Ellis column’. It is a play on words of the ‘Lone Ranger’ which is lost on anyone born post 1980. That’s said, I can’t divulge the point too long as I have a toaster to name. I think I may name her ‘Inland Revenue’ as she takes a large slice and burns your bread pretty effectively.