I have never much bought into conspiracy theories. From Elvis being kept under wraps in a Bolivian boudoir by the CIA to Prince Philip ordering a hit on Princess Di, my vacuous thought train refuses to believe that such activity takes place due to the gargantuan scale of deceit needed.

There are legions who do not concur with my leanings, however, and give the rumour mill ample purchase on somewhat crazed theories. Adam Galinsky, a professor at the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University in Illinois, explained that "the less control people have over their own lives, the more likely they are to try and gain control through mental gymnastics". In effect, the less control we have, the more likely we are to believe tall tales about, in particular, the Government.

Position yourself in the anti-Trump camp, which, let’s face it, isn’t too hard to do. Americans feel aggrieved as their social system is threatened. They are in denial that the ‘majority’ of society is against them, so it is easier to believe that it is a few bad apples have conspired to give him the keys to the White House. The more outlandish the conspiracy theory, the more it stands the test of time. The top five most believed by fellow Brits include the JFK assassination, with 51 per cent convinced it was an ‘inside job’, the Twin Towers for the same reason, Obama being a secret Muslim who was not born in the US, and that there is a secret group called the Illuminati who control the world.

I am a nay sayer, or should I say I was until this afternoon. As I write this there are five hours until the UK vaping laws change. Numerous regulations under the EU 2017 Tobacco products directive will come into force at midnight as previous legislation goes up in smoke. The wordy and ultimately crushingly dull legislation brings the maximum refill cartridge size to 10ml from 100ml and the maximum tank capacity to 2ml from the current average of 5ml.

So why should this be of any interest to vapists and non-vapists alike? Giving up a 20-a-day for 20 years habit was impossible until I discovered vaping. In the four years since I first tasted the Blu Menthol vapour I have not been tempted by a cigarette. The British Medical Council deems vaping to be at least 95 per cent safer than smoking cigarettes. I would put that figure higher. From hacking coughs to riding 50 miles on a bike and playing football every week, I feel 10 times fitter and stronger since my nicotine habit went up in steam.

Smokers are ‘encouraged’ to stop by legislation including an advertising ban, plain wrappers and huge taxes on tobacco. The NHS, which we complain relentlessly about, is overstretched and underfunded, with lung disease one of the main culprits. The answer? Vaping.

But the EU in their wisdom has introduced the new legislation, which will force punters onto the black market to purchase unsafe and untested products, the vape shops to close and limit their product ranges and legions to deny the cost and go back to tobacco. I have yet to read a reason for the directive, until we consider the possible conspiracy:

Tobacco taxes are huge. Tobacco companies, used to having it good for decades are suffering. Politicians have links and board memberships of large companies. Some 38 MPs have been ‘treated’ to tickets and other gifts from the big firms in the past few years. A large proportion of these MPs then voted against plain packaging. Force people back to cigarettes as this directive does and the MPs' pension pot rises, tax revenue is raised and the tobacco industry begins the fight back against the burgeoning vape industry.

It has slipped into law in the run up to a general election with many set to now suffer. Treat people as adults and they generally respond. Treat them like idiots and they rise up from their computer keypads.

Rant over, must dash: Elvis is popping over shortly with Lord Lucan to watch the football and discuss how Sandi Toksvig was the triggerwoman behind Kennedy's grassy knoll demise. Until next week, hasta la vista.