I am quite partial to a bit of effing and jeffing. I transform from mild-mannered boy next door into raging bull once I get behind the wheel of a car. Far from it being a stressful experience, I find it cathartic and feel suitably relaxed upon arrival, having left my verbal diatribes out on the mean streets of Hertfordshire.

Now, swearing is not to be condoned kids, but once in the club you can check out but never leave. It is a purposeful act. I never swear at work or in front of my (or others') kids, but give me adult company and I am like Derek and Clive’s long-lost love child.

It got me contemplating: why do we swear? It is easier to say, ‘it’s fantastic’ than 'it's f***ing fantastic’, but a coarse turn of phrase gives the message emphasis, leaving company in no doubt as to just how f***ing great it was.

Emma Byrne has just written a book entitled Swearing is Good for You. She explains the reasoning behind having a potty mouth. We swear using words we find sacred, private or shameful. Some are obvious areas of personal attack, such as parentage, bodily functions, sex and religion.

Far from being a negative pastime, apart from the recipient often finding offence, it can have health benefits. Dr Richard Stephens from Keele University asked undergraduates, young, dumb and full of fun, to plunge their hands into an ice-cold bucket of water. They could swear or not swear. Those who swore managed to keep their hands in the water for longer. It suggests that swearing primes the body for fight not flight, thus making us more pain resilient.

Linguistically unhygienic, perhaps, swearing also, through the study, proved that it is a useful component of the mental health toolkit. It provokes a response, raises aggression and hence emotional arousal.

It is believed that swearing minimises violence and crimes against the person. By swearing, you have a built-in pressure release valve which turns you away from more hurtful behaviours such as punching someone repeatedly in the face. By the same token, it is believed that swearing eases pain and makes us more productive. Curious studies have shown that stroke victims often swear as their medium of spoken word epitaphs.

There is, however, another school of thought. Swearing can cause a manageable situation to become uncontrollable, but this is dependent on the psychology of others. To swear effectively and not offend, you must be empathetic and understand how your comments are going to be construed.

Another author, Stephen Wildish, in his book How to Swear: an Illustrated Guide, explains that the F word can be "offensive, funny, descriptive, ironic, literal and metaphorical" depending on context.

So, if we all swear and it is acceptable dependant on the context, why do we look alarmed and cross the aisle if we come across someone with sweary Tourette’s (for some reason, the only place I ever encounter Tourette sufferers seems to be in the supermarket). Is it the location? Supermarkets are stressful despite the aim of promoting calm with lighting, smells and music designed to make you spend a buck, or is it because of the unpredictability of the swearing? 'Where are the f*cking oranges?' is a different beast to 'F*ck! I’ve forgotten the oranges'.

I guess modernity has informed word choices. I am all for swearing in the right situation, but wish we could return to days of yore and resurrect some bygone insults. Bring back ‘laced mutton’ and ‘trapes’ (old style insults for ladies of the night). I can sometimes be a zounderkite (Victorian idiot) but never a mumblecrust (a toothless beggar from a medieval comedy). Crude or rude may not be your bag and, in protest, you may throw this writing across the oak dining table in a fit of pique. Just be careful not to knock over the jar of freshly filtered coffee, I hear it can be a b****rd to clean up.