I do not know whether your ex partner disappeared for two years or was around having contact. I will assume the worst case scenario that she disappeared.

I advise that you speak to each other and try to reach a solution. Depending on the age of your daughter, you will need to take her views into account. In the event that an agreement cannot be reached you will need to apply to the court for an order determining who your daughter should live with. This is a Residence Order. Whilst the application is being considered, you will need to consider an interim order preventing her from removing your daughter from your care if there is a threat to do so.

A children and families officer (CAFCASS) will be appointed by the court to prepare a report recommending what is in the best interests of your daughter. That is, who should have residence and how much contact the other party should have, if any. The investigation may take up to 12 weeks and refers to a statutory criteria set for such applications. The CAFCASS Officer will speak to you, your ex partner, your daughter (depending on age) and any other relevant parties in order to make a recommendation.

Amongst other things, the CAFCASS officer will need to know why your ex Partner disappeared for two years, whether she had any contact during that period, how that impacted on your daughter and how your daughter feels about her seeing her mother again. Your ex Partner's intentions and commitment will need to be investigated as will the impact on your daughter if her mother were to disappear again. I expect that the court will want to see a slow re introduction and then monitor contact and its impact on your daughter over a period of time. Contact will gradually increase if in your daughter's best interests and then residence reconsidered in future if your ex-Partner still requests it.

A shared residence order is not uncommon these days. Unless there are risks of harm, children benefit from a strong relationship with both parents. If logistically possible, residence is shared between mother and father on a 4 day 3 day cycle. Ultimately, the court will make an order best for the child. If your ex partner accepts that she made a wrong decision in her life and is now determined to change and be part of your daughter's life, the court is likely to support her if your daughter would benefit from it. I reiterate that her reasons will be investigated and she will need to prove her intentions and commitment.

Ultimately, it must be the right decision for your daughter.

It is unfair that a parent can disappear from a child's life leaving the other parent to change their world to cope, then return and make demands. However, it is not for the court to punish that parent by refusing contact, because that may not be best for the child. The court must do whatever is necessary to help the child maintain a healthy relationship with both parents whilst assuring that the child is not at risk of harm. Risks include emotional and psychological harm if that parent returns only to disappear again.

If your ex partner was in your daughter's life having regular and meaningful contact, you may want to consider shared residence.

Best Regards, Harjit Sarang