If a life of wine, women and song becomes too much, give up the singing.

Anon

It’s that time of the year when the Americans start making that awful eggnog, the Germans delve into their tooth-rotting gluhwein and we Brits for some reason only known to a handful of anarchists, cook red wine and throw spices into it. Yep, it's the season to be both jolly and insane.

Seriously though, the person who first decided to cook a perfectly good red wine and then add herbs and spices must have been as drunk as a skunk. There can be no other rational explanation for this act of hatred. The proof of how ridiculous it is comes from the fact that we only do it at Christmas, as if it's one of those traditions that must be kept up or the crown will be lost, the kingdom will fail and Belgium will rule the earth!

Anyway, for those of you who insist on participating in this act of insanity, I may as well offer you some guidance about putting lipstick on a pig in order to maximise your ‘enjoyment’. First of all, use cabernet sauvignon. No reason other than it's my favourite grape and at least if you try it before cooking it, you may be persuaded not to commit assault on the unfortunate bottle.

Next, don't over do it. Honestly, it’s bad enough that you are cooking precious red wine without boiling it to death, and don't overdo the spices. The main one for mulled wine is cinnamon so focus on that and be gentle with the rest.

Finally, and this is the really vital one, If I'm ever a guest at your house at Christmas, don't offer me mulled wine! I'd rather have a whole body wax followed by a vinegar bath.

Watford Observer:

Gerard Richardson has strong views on mulled wine

Now spiced rum, on the other hand, is a different proposition. This is something I entirely approve of, especially when mixed lightly with coke (the drink, folks, not the powder).

Blending spices into a barrel of rum is an age old practice that probably began when the rum was so awful no one wanted to buy it, but these days it's well honed and there are several fabulous styles. My personal preferences are the ones with lashings of vanilla but then I'm a tart for the flavour.

Did you know by the way that it was fairly common practice to throw an entire dead cow or even a hoss into the blending barrel if the rum lacked a bit of body! Horrible histories have nothing on the wine trade. Merry Christmas!

Recommendations:

Watford Observer:

Lord Nelson’s Spiced Rum Liqueur (20%)

Made from a blend of Caribbean Rums and flavoured with caramel and spices. It’s gorgeous to be perfectly honest about it.

Master of Malt £18.64

Foursquare Spiced Rum (37.5%)

A Bajan golden rum with a more traditional emphasis on cinnamon, vanilla and nutmeg. It's another lovely rum with hints of toasted oak, citrus and vanilla on the finish. Even better is that is currently on a cracking offer!

Oxford Wine Co £29