Have you suffered from Covid pandemic dreams?

The contest went to the wire as European and South American menfolk threw fistfuls of dollars onto the table, before Schofield, unbeknown to the ref, kicked me square between the legs causing a momentary lack of concentration before claiming the spoils of the victor.

I woke up just as Pip was being wheeled around the smoky underground den, with a trophy bigger than his torso, as as I cried into my broken elbow, before coming to and wondering why the heck I was wasting my dreams on such frivolous nonsense.

Brett believes his dream about arm wrestling Phillip Schofield may have been brought on by Covid-19. Photo: Pixabay

Now maybe it’s an after affect of having had Covid, one can never be sure. But this, and many other dreams like it, seem to becoming more frequent, and obscure, with every passing night, and oh, did I mention the time I went skinny dipping in Southend with Jim Davidson and Eddie Izzard?

For some strange reason, my dreams always seem to involve celebrities, albeit B-list and below. Jedward even made an appearance a few weeks ago where, although there was a blessing, as they had been rendered silent by Idris Elba’s mute gun, I found I was now one third of a congealed triplet with the most irritating men on earth, although I would surmise they would say the same.

Others I know have been having equally bizarre dreams, and not just those who have ‘suffered’ Covid. I guess changing our environments completely has led to our natural way of doing things resulting in us behaving in a semi-dreamlike state. We now work/shirk from home all week, as we are begrudgingly forced into house arrest, not engaging with friends and family, as well as having the kids 24/7 during term time before a spot of evening social media warfare to numb the pain.

The term which is now being studied by researchers at Harvard is that of ‘pandemic dreams’, where early findings show our slumberous thoughts to be predominantly ‘negativity and nightmares’. It’s difficult to argue with that (unless you have a fetish in seeing C-rate comedians naked, which I must confess, I don't).

Getting more into the ‘science’ of the study, the flotsam of sense starts to float to the surface. It seems negatively-toned dreams are associated with anxiety and depression, which is arguably one of the most underrated effects for all since the pandemic commenced on a Rolling Stones-esque world tour. The difficulty they ascertain with their study is ensuring that all respondents are using the same yardsticks to ‘measure their dreams’. The study is designed to look at conscious and cognitive science as Dr Jennifer Windt, a fellow in philosophy at Monash University, claims we may spend between 30 and 50 per cent of our time on planet earth ‘mind wandering’.

We may spend between 30 and 50 per cent of our lives 'mind wandering'. Photo: Pixabay

I am glad I am not alone and that this change in circumstance, and my crazed unconscious mindset, are not unique to me. Others have reported dreaming their dog ‘murdered a man’, another got pick-pocketed by Ronald Reagan, whereas one virtual victim was butchered by a house spider, which then ate the body before turning into that person, albeit with eight legs and the ability to hide under the sofa.

It is comforting, at times like this, to realise that our lunacy is the norm, and we are not alone. Maybe Phillip Scofield dreamt of beating a Gregg Wallace lookalike in an arm-wrestling contest, who knows, but the bizarre thing about the whole episode has thrown me more than the dream itself. I woke up with a sore elbow and the urge to avoid any TV show with Schofield on it, which is proving more difficult that one might imagine.

• Brett Ellis is a teacher