The pathway of life is littered with the remnants of the ‘next big thing’. We have, for as long as time, been sold the dream: devices, gizmos and gadgets that will improve our lives to the nth degree and eliminate neurotic first world worries that really shouldn’t be worries at all.

A few clamber the gate and smash the glass ceiling, such as Amazon, who despite their alleged treatment of workers, provide an A1 service as, well, you never know when you will need an emergency ten pack of wet wipes unceremoniously dumped on your doorstep.

Tesla, and electric vehicles, got further than most: Hyping up the ‘dream’ of living like an eco-warrior whilst saving your hard earned, they have proved to be the devil in disguise. The batteries have started to implode, electric costs have risen faster than inflation on steroids, and, coupled with a range of 200 miles-ish, their freezing in anything approaching sub-zero temperatures, many are now bemoaning spending north on 50k to improve their eco credentials, when the sensible option would have been to purchase yet another yummy mummy 4x4 diesel spewing mean machine.

Cryptocurrency, of which I fell hook, line and expensive sinker, was another emperor in new clothes and the absurdity of the product, sold at the time as the next big thang, still leaves me wondering why I invested my hard earned into this folly: A virtual currency that’s nigh on impossible to cash out of unless you can remember the encrypted 12 passwords that, if you forget, you can never access again: sounds a breeze: count me in! And don’t even get me started on the blockchain…

For a while we had solar roads (yes, really), before an intellectual worked out that heavy plant and glass, slippery when wet, were not natural bedfellows. Curved TV’s have been touted as yet another wonder until it was realised that you had to sit square on to appreciate the effects when a flat screen more than suffices anyhow, as product designers and companies, clutching at straws and family purse strings continue with their folly of convincing you that the family cant live without such technological innovation.

Back with transportation: the segway followed in the illustrious footsteps of Sir Clive Sinclair and his ill-fated C5. Having urinated the millions he made from the Spectrum computer on this lunacy, he was the pre cursor to former coal miner, Jimi Heselden, who invented the Segway ankle breaker, before riding one off a cliff and killing himself in the process.

And who can forget 3D glasses? I could not hide my disappointment at my first (and last) cinema visit sitting wearing those monstrosities at Hastings cinema a few decades ago. Not only was the ticket price inflated due to the advent of 3D, but you then had to pay extra for the glasses before realising that they didn’t fit over my bespoke spectacles anyhow. The options were therefore: Wear the 3D glasses and the film was a blur, or not wear them and the film was a blur.

But then, just when things can’t get any crazier and we can’t be any more gullible, along comes NFT’s (non-fungible tokens). Now trying to explain what they are to one not in the know is nigh on impossible, so I will leave you to Google it, but suffice to say you are buying virtual product such as artwork and memes. Again, being a sucker, I fell for a while and produced my own NFT: A hastily produced piece of art that wouldn’t look out of place on a Year 4 classroom wall, and, having read stories about such items selling for kings ransoms, I put it up for sale for 200k.

And now, many years after sharing my artistic flair with the world, it still sits, unloved and unwanted, on some random website as the designers go off and try to find the next new thing with which to sell us a dream that will, like the rest, end up but an empty vessel and nothing more than an unfulfilled promise and yet another waste of our valuable time and finances…

  • Brett Ellis is a teacher